Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ok first of all what the fuck
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
