So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
