only if we run a train.
done.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
