Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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