i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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