She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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