My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she peed on how many people?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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