Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
