Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
