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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
