i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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