How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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