i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
