OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
