I wish i was in the wii world.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
