just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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