Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
