I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
