She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
