i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
