He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
