I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
