oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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