So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
