dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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