I'm eating all of the evidence.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
