if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
