I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
