Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
