No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
