If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
