You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
