So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
