I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I forget how to act sober
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
