I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just pee around me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
