Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
