I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
