Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
