i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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