either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
