You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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