don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
