Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
