I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
