we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
