i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
