you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
