how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
