Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I am morally bankrupt
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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