Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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