All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
