Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
