I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
