he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
