yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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