just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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