My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
