Sponge bath it is.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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